Living
with Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome means that you spend a lot of your
time in the future. Upcoming check-ups and medical
appointments...accommodations for family events and holidays
(especially if you have to travel by air!)...will your loved one be
worse off next year...will you have enough money for treatment...will
life ever be calm enough to seriously focus on friends and
marriage...will your child live to adulthood...will s/he have a
“normal” childhood?
Some
of this Future Living is necessary, of course you need to keep track
of when the next appointment with the dermatologist, lymph specialist
or orthopedist is happening. And it's only wise to be well prepared
for any serious travel events. But a lot of Future Living is focusing
on things we have no control over aside from our actions today. It's
stressful, unnecessary and frankly, a waste of time. All you have any
“control” over is this very minute. You can't go back and change
the past and so many factors are involved in the future that it's
foolish to worry about it.
You
may have heard of “Mindfulness”, although it's a trendy topic
right now, the concept is thousands of years old. Mindfulness is
simply being aware, mindful, of where you are and what you are doing
this minute. It's a way of focusing your energy on the one
point in time you have control over and making sure you're where you
want to be. Instead of thinking about the e-mails you need to reply
to, focus on the dinner you're currently eating. Rather than worry
about your loved one's future, give all the love, attention and time
you can right now. Whatever you are doing, be aware of what
you're doing, how you feel and give your all to that one moment in
time. Yeah, kind of the antithesis of multitasking but try it and see
if things don't run a little smoother.
Mindfulness
also helps with emotions and feelings. Dealing with a chronic illness
means we often push our feelings of anger, frustration, hurt and
sadness as far away as possible. Not healthy and certainly not
helpful. Mindfulness allows you to accept, feel and deal with your
feelings, openly and freely. Believe it or not, if your ill loved one
is a child, this will also help him/her deal with feelings as well,
and learn to handle those feelings in a healthy manner. Bottling up
and shoving aside our emotions is what leads to those Breaking Points
where we feel lost and without any hope. Allowing the feelings to
come as they do naturally, we can handle them one-by-one and be
honest to ourselves and our children about what we're feeling. It's
not doing anyone a favor to paper over the cracks. So if you're sad,
label it, “I'm sad” and feel it, accept it and deal with it. Why
are you sad? Is it something you have any control over? What can you
do about that sadness right now? Are you holding back tears? Why?
Feeling and being honest with our feelings opens a door to our
children that allows them to be human too. Am I saying, especially in
a parent/child relationship that you have to “dump” all your
feelings out in front of your child? No! But as you practice
mindfulness you will learn how to appropriately handle those feelings
so that they won't scare yourself, let alone your child. You may
notice, as you practice mindfulness that you are borrowing worry that
you have no need to waste time on. Worrying about “what-ifs”,
“might happens” and “possiblies” is time that could be better
spent on what you can do right here, right now.
Mindfulness
can help your child learn to deal with things better. If you're on
the way to a doctor appointment and s/he is worried, identify it,
identify why s/he is feeling that way, honestly ask if there's
anything that can be done with it at that precise moment. Maybe
singing songs together at the top of your lungs helps with the worry.
Maybe stopping to have a treat before the appointment ~ feeding ducks
at the park, driving past a favorite view, stopping for a quick snack
~ would make the stress less.
As
you may be seeing, mindfulness allows you to identify your thoughts
and feelings so that you can make healthier mind choices; identify
useless thinking and focus on what is possible in the moment. It
really is a huge help if you spend too much time worrying about
things you can't control. It focuses your mind and positively gets
your body in line with a more sensible way of living. There's no end
to the use that mindfulness can play in your life if you simply open
your mind up to how you are feeling and thinking.
Mindfulness
is used in a wide variety of practices and therapies these days so
thankfully there is more information for those who are becoming aware
of the concept. There are wonderful resources if you're interested in
more in depth information about it. I heartily recommend any books by
Thich Nhat Hanh, he explains mindfulness simply and beautifully.
Mindfulness is also a component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy
(DBT), often used in treating those with Borderline Personality
Disorder (BPD), a condition wherein the diagnosed has problems
regulating impulses and emotions. Mindfulness is helpful for everyone seeking to live a happier, healthier and more in-tune life.
Wishing you peace, patience, joy and mindfulness on the journey...
